When Dreams Come True
by TooManyDamnFangirls
Summary: Another slash story from my hand. It all starts innocently, with a few letters and a few confusing answers. But what will happen if there's a confession in the game?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **Sigh. How many times do I have to say this…? I do not own Harry Potter. Though, I do own J.K. Rowling… She's my slave! No, just kidding.

**Warning: **Again, this is slash. Boy and boy. Sirius and Remus. Don't like it, don't read it, so you don't waste fifteen minutes of your life.

**A/N: **I'm a bit addicted to Remmy and Paddy… Did you notice? I hope you enjoy, for I enjoyed writing this!

A tall boy with soft, brown hair tossed around in his bed and sighed. This was the sixteenth night on a row he couldn't catch sleep. His thoughts always went crazy in the night, thinking about things he actually wasn't permitted to think about. Or rather, people. In specific one boy. His best friend, Sirius Black. And in his dreams… Well, they were doing things friends don't exactly do. Things that made him shiver and shudder with anticipation, but he liked it. In fact, he liked it very much indeed. Because the truth was, that somehow he had fallen in love with the Animagus. It was just… The way he smiled at him. The way his hair fell in his eyes. The way he walked, the way he talked and even the way he ate or slept. Everything was special and beautiful about him and no one could ever change his mind about that. Especially not in his dreams…

Not so far away, the black-haired boy named Sirius Black, couldn't sleep either. He was coping with the same dreams and lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. There were some angels painted on it in the nicest colours he could think of. Pastel blue, soft purple and light yellow. In the soft light of the lanterns outside, the painted wings glowed golden. Like they were lit, ready to take Sirius to heaven. But he was already in heaven. Every time Remus Lupin walked by, he felt like he had gotten wings too, and Remus was the golden angel. Well, at least his eyes were made of gold. Pure gold. They shone bright, like some sprinkling stars. Falling stars, ready to take him to a better place where his wishes would come true. Sirius always hoped his own eyes could somehow ever become the deep, blue pool of heaven in which the stars swam.

Remus sat up straight in his bed when he suddenly heard something knocking on his window. Who the hell would ever dare disturb a werewolf-boy like him when he was thinking about the nicest things – in this case Sirius Black – and trying to catch some sleep? He rubbed his eyes and growled when there sounded another knock on the glass. Finally, after three more knocks, Remus decided the thing on his windowpane had won and he got up to walk towards his window. Through the thick glass, Remus could single out a small form in the night. He frowned when he realised it was a creamy brown owl with a letter on its foot and opened his window. The owl immediately flew into the warmth of Remus' bedroom and banished the cold by shaking out its feathers. It dropped the envelop in the middle of the room.

Sirius smiled when his owl returned to its master with a new letter around its foot. So Remus did answer letters in the middle of the night. Excited, he snatched the letter away from his owl, which made a disapproving noise, and opened it after he had flopped on his stomach on his bed. '_Dear Padfoot_,' he read aloud in a soft whisper. '_I'm glad to let you know I'm still alive and kicking. I just wasn't at the right place anymore to respond to your many, pouting letters._' Sirius' face flushed slightly. Perhaps it hadn't been that smart of him to send sixteen owls to the hotel Remus had been staying during his days off with his parents, only to come to the conclusion the werewolf and his family had left for home three days earlier than the arrival of the owls. '_I just don't understand why you sent this one in the middle of the night._' Sirius bit his bottom lip and looked away.

Remus' smile never faltered when he read Sirius' first letter again. '_Hi there, Moony. Because it seemed like ages ago I spoke to you, I thought: let me write you another letter!_' Remus smirked. Ages ago… It had actually been two weeks. But he couldn't blame Sirius: even he himself thought two weeks were too long. Especially since Remus loved to see Sirius every day. Studying him had become quite an interesting pastime at Hogwarts, but now with the summer vacation... '_I was a bit disappointed when you didn't answer my letters at first, but of course I hadn't heard the reason by then. That's why I hope you will answer this one, so I know you're still alive and I won't have this feeling again. But yeah, you know I can never really be disappointed in you. Love, Padfoot._' Remus blushed and the same owl entered his room again with a second letter.

Sirius walked through his room. He somehow wished Remus hadn't answered his letter. Then he never would've asked why he had sent it during the night and he, Sirius, never would've answered the silliest thing he could ever think of in his life. '_I needed to hear something from you, Moony. I don't exactly know why. At least, I think I don't. It's just something… Strange. You see, I have the weirdest dreams lately. You'll probably think now that dreams are always pretty odd, but these dreams… They're about us. You and me. And they're about us in the wrong way. I don't feel friendship for you in them, but… Something completely else. It started sixteen days ago, when we said goodbye at Platform 9 ¾ and when I hugged you. Since that night I've had those dreams about how we… Love each other._'

Remus' mouth dropped when he read Sirius' last sentence. Did he read that right? No, it was probably his imagination that went crazy. Or it was the lack of rest and sleep that finally overpowered him. He read the phrase again, but the same words were written on the white piece of parchment. 'Since that night I've had those dreams about how we… Love each other.' The parchment couldn't be telling the truth. Sirius couldn't be telling the truth. Remus kept staring at the letter. Oh God, this was just… Wrong! No, this was totally wrong. He sighed. What should he tell Sirius? That dreams were just dreams, and that he probably didn't love him in real life? Or that he first should find out if he was truly in love with him, before writing another letter? Or perhaps that he should come over to talk about it? No. Impossible.

So it wasn't a surprise when Sirius didn't get a letter back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **Still not mine! Though J.K. Rowling is beginning to think about selling the copyrights of Harry Potter to me since I've had her live on water and bread for 6 whole months…

**Warning: **Still slash! Though not yet explicit. Just bear with me a little longer…!

**A/N: **Wow. Never would've thought I'd ever continue this story! But, Christmas does something to people, I guess… In my case, my present is inspiration! Though there's still at least 1 chapter to come, I don't know how long it'll take me to write it, I just wrote this in half an hour time but I've got to START writing first, and that's what always takes a long time…

Sirius knew he had ruined it. Sending that letter had been a stupid impulse of him again, he hadn't been thinking about the consequences. And well, consequences there would be. Remus would never want to talk to him again, let alone be his friend. Or boyfriend. He shook his raven haired head, causing the black strands to fall in his eyes. He could use a decent hair cut. His hair was really getting too long to maintain the indifferent fashion he always had when he was at school and girls were swooning over him. Remus had told him that too. Oh, Remus… Even when he was thinking about his hair, the werewolf appeared in his mind! Why couldn't Remus be less cute and cuddly and attractive and appealing and… Why couldn't Sirius just tear his thoughts away from him? He fell back into his soft mattress and sighed, closing his eyes. Finally, after two weeks without proper sleep, he felt himself drifting away in a very welcoming numbness, away from all the trouble.

He found himself standing in his room, looking out of his window onto the dark, grey streets of Number 12, Grimmauld Place. The weather was what one could expect from a December night: cold, rainy and gloomy. Sirius went with his hand through his hair, a nasty habit he had picked up from spending too much spare time with James Potter, before he sighed for the millionth time and turned his back towards the window and the lonely street lantern that was still burning. Suddenly, a knock was heard on the glass. Sirius raised an eyebrow, turning back to see what was disturbing him, and to his surprise… He didn't see a thing. He turned away again, but two more taps were deciding differently, making him repeat the same action again. The noise continued, making the raven feel slightly uncomfortable, for he still couldn't see a thing. It was then he found out he wasn't hearing the taps in his dream, but in reality.

Lazily, Sirius opened one of his blue-grey eyes, but then sat up straight as the knocking continued, quickly scanning the room and the window. He got up from his bed, walking towards it. His surroundings were as dreary and bleak as in his dream, and he got that same, scary feeling again when he was met with nothing but dark air behind the thin glass. Had it just been his imagination? Of course not: he wasn't as insane as his mother and Kreacher were to be hearing things that weren't there… Then suddenly, an indistinct, cloaked figure appeared in front of the window, making Sirius flinch and nearly cry out in fear. Another knock made its way to his ears. Heart thumping madly in his chest, the raven reached out to the handle, wricked it and opened the glass, coming eye to eye with an exhausted, tired and overly wet… 'Remus?'

The latter tried to regain his breath as he pushed himself through the window, trying not to lose control over his broomstick, which he was now holding loosely in his hand. When his feet connected with the safe, wooden floor, he tossed it on the side and leaned on his knees with his hands, still breathing irregularly. Sirius head made a mental click: if Remus was flying on a broomstick in this kind of rainy, windy weather to get to the second floor, where his room was stationed, it wasn't very much of a mystery why Sirius hadn't seen anyone when he had heard the taps. And it made another click when he realised this was really Remus Lupin standing in his room after the big disaster of earlier, having come all the way flying towards his house and so… Towards him. A warm feeling spread through his body together with a small smile on his face, making something flutter in his stomach. But his smile vanished all too soon as he saw the look Remus cast at him through his brown bangs.

'Did you mean it?' the werewolf asked, his breath still coming in pants due to the high speed he had been flying at. Sirius swallowed. 'Did I mean what?' he retorted the question as innocently as possible, trying to keep the conversation from going that way. Perhaps he had already forgotten…? 'You know very well what I'm talking about, Sirius.' Or perhaps not. Remus straightened his back, taking a moment to observe the raven quietly, noticing no reply was going to spill from his lips. 'Just answer the question, Sirius. Did you mean what you said in your letter, yes or no?' The other, slightly elder boy swallowed a second time, still not planning on answering. He just didn't know what to say or do now Remus had appeared so suddenly in his room. 'Let's make the question a bit easier then, Padfoot, so you know which letter exactly I'm talking about.' Oh, he knew exactly which letter this was all about. 'Do you love me, yes or no?'

Sirius uneasily scratched the back of his neck after the question had been put that bluntly. He cleared his throat, before responding: 'Well, err, love, you know, I said it was in my dreams, so you shouldn't take it personally, my dreams always tend to be rather… Odd.' Remus cocked his head to the side, evidently unconvinced. 'Not take it personally?' he repeated sarcastically. 'How could I? These dreams you're having happen to be about me, no, about you and me together, and you tell me I shouldn't take it personally? You have a strange mind, Sirius.' Could he detect some amusement in the werewolf's voice…? Sirius dared a glance at him, but Remus' eyes were still stern looking.

'Right, wrong way to put it, err, I actually meant that you shouldn't worry about it, dreams remain dreams, you know, it's probably just some crazy twist of my mind, it'll pass soon enough, you'll see that tomorrow night I'll be dreaming of Kreacher and my mum having a baby or something, everything will be back to normal then, or at least as normal as can be in this house, so I'm sorry that you had to come here for nothing but a stupid dream and a stupid idea of mine and by Merlin, why am I rambling like a fool?' Sirius nearly shouted the last part of his sentence, and he was glad that his mother's room was further away from his. He clutched his head in his hands, sighing deeply. 'I'm so sorry, Remus,' he then whispered. 'I… I shouldn't have written that. I… I didn't want to give you the wrong idea, I just… I don't know what came over me. I felt that, somehow… I just had to tell you about it.'

Silence fell in the room after that, and Sirius dropped down on his bed again. This was very awkward, and he just wished there was some way to work him out of this tricky situation with their friendship still intact. Upon not hearing any response coming from Remus, though, that hope was slowly beginning to die. Then, finally, a soft voice said: 'But you didn't answer the question, Sirius. I asked you if you loved me. For real. Not just in your dreams.'

The raven swallowed, choosing to look at his hands when he felt the mattress dip next to him, indicating that Remus had taken a seat there. 'I…' he started, but no further words made it to his lips. What could he say, then? That yes, he did have feelings for the werewolf and not just in his dreams? That their hug at Platform 9 ¾ had felt like the best thing that had ever come over him? That he rather enjoyed the dreams he was having about the two of them? That he loved him with all his heart…? He let his head drop a bit, defeat showing on his features. 'I do, Remus. I do,' he whispered. 'Although everything tells me that I shouldn't, that it is wrong and that you would never be able to love me back, I do. And it hurts every time, ever since I fell in love with you two years ago. Our hug, it triggered something inside me, something akin to hope, I guess. But I know now that you will never feel the same about me.' His gaze hardened, and he looked at his friend.

'Because I can tell, you know. I may perhaps be dim-witted at times, but the look you just had in your eyes… It was one of fright and anger. You were hoping that I would say that I didn't love you in that way, weren't you? That's why you came here, to be reassured of that fact. You don't know how to handle it, so you try to manipulate my words by putting your questions so that I can't say anything but the things you want to hear. Well, I'm afraid I'll have to tell you that your tactic failed, because I've just told you exactly how I feel about you. I love you, Remus, and not only in my dreams. I love you and I can't even say that I don't care what you think about it because I do, I fucking do and that's what hurts the most! I'm a selfish person, you've always known that. I can't be glad for myself when you decide that you will forget about everything I've just said and still be my friend. And I definitely won't be able to be glad for you when you finally get yourself a girlfriend. Oh yes, I will try to be polite, but I will hate her, and you will see it in my every act, even though I'll try to hide it as much as I can, just for your sake. I am selfish, and as a selfish person, I want you to love me back. But I know that's an impossible wish. So yes, I'll do my best to just stay your friend, but I'll do it with pain in my heart, because I know you don't love me back the way I do. And I know that you will never.'

Again, the most deadly silence hung in the room while Sirius tried to recapitulate what he had just said to Remus. By Merlin, he felt so angry, so defeated… He couldn't even feel sorry for his harsh words when the werewolf swiftly stood up again, quickly walked towards the window and snatched his broomstick. He couldn't even look up at him and try to stop him with a pleading voice when he heard the window open, and sometime later, a cold gush of wind blew through his hair. He couldn't even run after him when Remus muttered something he couldn't understand, before he swung his leg over his broomstick and flew away.

And he most definitely couldn't hold back his tears when the one he loved the most disappeared into the cold night air.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **J.K. Rowling has succumbed to me! I now officially own Remus and Sirius… In my dreams.

**Warnings: **Well, I think you know by now what this story is about…

**A/N:** Wow, when I opened my mailbox this morning, I was surprised to find that five reviews had already been left on my story, and that there are a lot of story alerts! So, I want to thank all of you for reading! Your reviews have made me update this story as quickly as possible! This time it's a rather short chapter, but I just wanted to let you hear Remus' thoughts on the matter. Next chapter will be longer again, I think (since I must still write it)!

Exhausted, a soaking wet Remus Lupin threw his broomstick in the corner of his room, not caring that it knocked over some of his precious belongings. He flopped down onto his bed and immediately buried his dripping wet face in the pillows. That darn Sirius Black. Why did he have to say such things? Remus hadn't meant his question as a personal attack on the raven's character, on the contrary. He just wanted to know the truth for once.

He released a shaky breath and rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling. _I love you, Remus. _Sirius' words echoed painfully clear through his mind. _Although everything tells me that I shouldn't, that it is wrong and that you would never be able to love me back, I love you. _

A blank look appeared in Remus eyes as every angry, accusing sentence washed over him once again. Sirius thought it was wrong? And… Did he really think that Remus would never be able to love him back? What did he think he was? An emotionless human being that couldn't possibly feel anything for anyone?

_But I know now that you will never feel the same about me._ 'Wrong, Sirius, you are so wrong,' he quietly mumbled. _You were hoping that I would say that I didn't love you in that way, weren't you?_ Remus turned on his side and outstretched his hand, reaching for the picture on his bedside table. It was one of the four of them: him, Sirius, James and Peter. James and Sirius were both grinning mischievously, each in their own charming way, and Peter, so it seemed, was trying to climb onto James' back. Remus himself was just smiling serenely with Sirius' arm slung around his shoulders. It looked like he was rather enjoying their proximity. The real Remus chuckled dryly. Never be able to love him back, hmm? _But I know that's an impossible wish._ _I know you don't love me back the way I do. And I know that you will never._

Remus put the picture back in place, perhaps a little more violently than he had intended. Sirius was such a dope. Saying such things… The werewolf didn't even know how he should feel about him now. In truth, the raven had hurt him a lot by sneering at him like that. On the other hand, he also knew that the Animagus was confused and that he had only said those words in a fit of rage or defeat. With a clear mind, he would've kept silent. As always. He would've balled up all his emotions and never once talk about them. Showing emotions meant showing one's weakness. That's what he had learned from his family over the past fifteen years. Remaining silent was better than blurting everything out, and even though Sirius was quite the smooth talker, Remus had never heard him speak about his feelings before. At least, not like this. Now, their letters and Remus' presence had triggered something inside the raven, which was why he had let go of everything he felt in such a harsh way. He probably hadn't meant to put it so bluntly. In fact, he probably didn't even realise that he had hurt Remus a lot.

But… Remus could also tell that he did mean what he had said. When Sirius said something, it was always with a good reason. He had never been the one for trying to sugar-coat everything, so every word, every single thing he had uttered, had been the truth. Remus suddenly found it difficult to swallow, and how come the rainwater on his face had started to taste rather salty?

The werewolf quickly wiped away the tears that had started rolling down his cheeks and sat up straight in his bed. 'Calm now,' he muttered to himself, trying to find some comfort by hugging his knees tightly to his chest. Sirius… He didn't know what he was talking about. The raven probably hadn't even heard him say that just before he left. That he had never been so wrong in his life. He breathed in deeply, then made up his mind. This had all started with some stupid letters.

Well, then it should end with a letter as well.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** J.K. Rowling has escaped from my prison! No! Now I can't bribe her anymore into selling the other characters of Harry Potter to me as well!

**A/N: **Another update! I just felt that I still had to write Remus' letter today, so here we go! Enjoy!

With a loud crash, Sirius threw a copy of the very same picture a certain gold-eyed boy had just been holding against the wall, fiercely breathing through his nose. 'FUCK!' he shouted, loud enough for the neighbours to hear. He paced through the room, halting at the window through which Remus had left half an hour ago. Furiously, he pounded on the thick glass. 'Shit, Remus,' he then said softly, nearly out of breath. He was now starting to regret what he had said to the poor werewolf. He wouldn't say that he hadn't meant a thing of it, because as a matter of fact, he did, but… He hadn't meant to say it like that. Now, he had scared his friend away with his angry demeanour. He had officially screwed up.

'Merlin, I'm so sorry, Remus,' he whispered to the glass. His warm breath fogged it up as he leaned his forehead against it, releasing a deep sigh. Then suddenly, a knock on his door resounded through the room. For a moment, Sirius was as foolish to think that Remus had come back to him, now choosing to enter via the front door, but since it was late at night and the door was locked, his mind made a mental click that it couldn't possibly be him. The hope he had felt now weighed heavily on his stomach and he called in an apathetic voice: 'Yes?'

The door creaked open and the deformed silhouette of Kreacher appeared in his room. Sirius scrunched up his face in disgust. 'What is it?' he spat, not feeling in the mood for petty conversations with the house elf. Kreacher shot him something that looked like a grin, croaking: 'The mistress sent me to tell you that you must shut up, young master. The mistress is very angry since you ruined her good night's rest. Young master should sleep as well, or there will be consequences… Punishment, the mistress says, for your behaviour.' Sirius rolled his eyes in an irritated fashion. 'Just get out!' he snarled, waving a dismissive hand at the elf. Kreacher took a step further into the room. 'Will the young master obey the mistress?' he asked with an almost gleeful voice, like he was hoping that Sirius would get punished. The raven did a few threatening steps in Kreacher's direction, making the creature quickly scurry backwards. With a slam, Sirius closed the door behind him. He swore he could hear the elf mumble some obscenities, but didn't even bother to reprimand him for it. As long as that thing stayed out of his room.

His former sadness replaced with new anger, Sirius lay down on his bed and decided to cool his rage by punching his pillow. Though he didn't want to admit his mother's authority, he tried his best to remain as silent as possible. He couldn't care less what she shouted at him or which threats she made, but her punishments were always very thorough. That's why, after he had released some of the pressure on his heart, Sirius just lay still on his back, silvery eyes closed. He could picture Remus sitting in his room. Would he be crying? Would he feel hurt? Would he… Hate Sirius now? He slung an arm over his eyes, not wanting to think about that. He would apologise to his friend. Not now, of course. Later. When a bit of time had passed. Everything seemed far less grave after time had passed, so perhaps Remus would forgive him more easily?

He rubbed his eyes, only now noticing how tired he was. How could he ever make up to Remus now…? He knew that the werewolf was aware of the fact that everything he had said was true, so how could he apologise for something he didn't even want to apologise for? And he couldn't possibly say that, yes, he did mean what he had said, but no, that he hadn't intended to say it so cruelly? He slapped his head.

'Come on, Sirius,' he mumbled. 'Bright thoughts. There must be some bright thoughts in there, right…? Kreacher wearing Mother's underwear? No, that's just disgusting. Mother slipping over a banana? Hmm, too slapstick-like. Mother… Turning into a real human being with feelings for once? Yeah. Better. Me living with James' family? Me being able to stay at Hogwarts forever? Pulling pranks during Charms or Potions? Close enough…'

As Sirius' mind drifted off to more pleasant things, sleep started to wash over him, which was the reason why he didn't hear the first two knocks that resounded through his room. Then, when the knocking remained persistent, he frowned, sitting up. 'Kreacher? I'm silent now, and I'm trying to catch some sleep. So go away,' he said with a bored voice, thinking the noise had come from his door. The sound continued though, and Sirius' heart skipped a beat when he realised it was coming from his window. 'Remus?' he whispered, swiftly sitting up and stealthily making his way towards it. When he opened the window, though, a feeling of disappointment ran through him when a brown owl elegantly flew into his room. Then, that feeling was replaced with shock as he saw whose owl it was. How many miles had that poor bird already flown?

Sirius swallowed, untying the letter that had been attached to its foot. 'Oh Remus, Remus, Remus,' Sirius muttered as he recognised his friend's neat handwriting. His heartbeat picked up speed when he saw drops of water on the parchment. 'It's just rainwater, right?' he softly asked the brown bird, but it just cocked its head to the side as if it was curious as well. Sirius swallowed thickly again, took a deep breath and then started to scan the piece of parchment.

'_Sirius, let me set some things straight._' The raven already flinched at the tone of the letter, and with a heavy feeling, he continued reading. '_Although the first thing I want to tell you is how much you actually hurt me by saying those things, I shall skip that so you won't think I just want pity. After all, you're hurting a lot more than I am, just like you claimed yourself, right?_' The bitter, sarcastic words bit deeply into Sirius' heart. Remus must really detest him, otherwise he would never write such things.

'_Let me try to refute all your arguments chronologically. First of all, you said that it was wrong to love me. But how could love ever be wrong? It is not as if you can choose whom you fall in love with, so don't blame yourself for it. Love is natural. You can't fight it, no matter how hard you try. And I know how difficult it is._' Sirius' eyes widened at the more friendly words, though the last sentence left a question mark flickering in the back of his head. Remus knew how hard it was? How come? He shook the thoughts out of his head and read on.

'_Secondly, you said that I would never be able to love you back. This is what pained me most of all. What do you think I am, Sirius? Am I incapable of loving someone? Is it because I am a werewolf? Do you think that, as a werewolf, I have already decided that I can't possibly ever love someone because I am bound to hurt him or her? Just like normal human beings and just like you, Sirius, I am unable to control the strange way in which love works. We're but mere puppets. So yes, even I can fall in love with someone, even I can love someone back. Even I… Can love you back.__ So there, I just told you. I love you too, Sirius. But you were so caught-up in your own miserable world that you didn't see it. _

_I hope I have now disproved your next argument as well, namely that I wanted to hear you say that you didn't love me. How could you ever even think something like that? Am I that cruel in your eyes? You must believe me when I say that you have never been so wrong in your life. I was actually hoping that you'd say you loved me, so the look in my eyes was not one of fright and anger. Or yes, it was one of fright, in a way, because I was afraid that you would laugh at me and tell me that it was all just a joke. But you didn't, and it shocked me that you talked about your feelings so openly. I fear that you mistook my surprise for something akin to disgust, so I guess some apologies from my part are in place.__ Next, I must say that you shocked me once more by saying you would never be happy for me if I found my happiness elsewhere than with you, at least not really. Because, that's what friends do, right? They support each other in dark times, they are there for you when you need them the most, and they are glad for you when you find some warmth and happiness. I don't know what to think of these words of you, because they contradict what you said before, that you love me. Can you really say that you love me while you couldn't be happy for me if I'd happen to find someone else who loves me? I believe you really are a selfish person, Sirius. But I forgive you because, when it comes to feelings, aren't we all selfish to keep the one we love to ourselves? _

_The last thing I want to say is in reaction to the way you opened up to me. I know it must've cost you a lot of trouble to get everything off your heart, so I'd like to show you part of mine as well. I have secretly admired you since our__ first year at Hogwarts, and from our third year on, I knew I'd never be able to love anyone but you. And now, after all those years of silence, you suddenly come and confess your love for me. I can't even begin to tell you how I felt after I received your second letter. I felt so confused, though I'd always thought I'd be as happy as could be. I thought this was wrong too, just because everything I'd been dreaming of suddenly turned into reality. I didn't know how to handle it, and I thought that you couldn't possibly love me in real life. That dreams were just dreams. So I had to know, which is why I came over to your place, to hear the truth._

_I was ready for everything you'd say: that it was a joke, that it was just a stupid dream and – of course – you didn't love me in reality, that you'd laugh it away or that you'd send me back again. But you didn't. You indeed told me exactly how you felt about me, and that was the one thing I wasn't ready for.__ So I'm sorry if I didn't come across very clearly to you. Just to be sure, let me repeat myself again, for once and for all. I love you, Sirius. I always have. But I have also always known that, if the chance existed that I'd ever be able to tell you how I felt, I would immediately blow it. Which is probably what I just did. I'm sorry I ruined it, Sirius. I shouldn't have come to your place, and then none of this would have ever happened. Then at least I could still love you secretly, like I have always done. But now I can't even have that anymore. Just because of some stupid letters. I ruined my only chance at love, and I regret it more than you will ever be able to understand._

_But I still love you, Sirius, even after everything that happened between us. And I always will._

_Goodbye.'_


End file.
